By Mr. Pink
Ink by the barrel has been spilled by preppers on blogs and in magazines on how to prepare for the end of the world. We’re not doing that.
Buuutt … seeing what is going in the Ukraine right now—a potential looming cyber-attack on US banking and energy sectors, a possible nuclear meltdown or maybe just a good old (quaint) cold war-style ICBM attack (I hope I can still duck and cover) we felt a realistic Field Ethos Prepper Guide was in order. Even though basement ninjas try, nobody can prepare for every eventuality, but you can be well prepared with some basic items. To wit: here is the official FE preppers list:
Booze
There is no better prepper item to stockpile than hard alcohol. One, you need it to live. And two, if you are one of those rare folks (like our own Allen Bolen) who doesn’t need it to live, you can always trade it for less life-giving-support items like food or shelter.
Our stockpile favors quantity over quality. We buy as cheap-as-possible vodka, gin and whisky. Think McCormick, Dickels and Canadian Reserve—bend over and look on the bottom shelf. Buy in plastic ½-gallon Jug O’ Fun sizes. Pick up cases when passing through Wyoming, Colorado or Florida–it’s some of the cheapest in the country. Contrary to popular belief, booze does have a shelf life so be sure to consume and rotate stocks on a regular basis.
(Pro-tip: Also buy a bottle of the most expensive shit imaginable. When things really get bleak, nothing says resignation like cracking open a bottle of Pappy’s you’ve been holding onto for years. It’s our version of Jed Eckert pulling the pin on a hand grenade and letting Toni wait for the Russians to come.)
Tobacco
Whether you currently use tobacco or not, tobacco is a wise investment as a barter stock. Our guess is when the first mushroom cloud appears on the horizon, just like game laws, your moral high ground and thoughts of consequences will go out the window as you pull a bare butt Camel from the foil top. Cartons of smokes and a few rolls of chew keep well in the chest freezer, and your only regret will be not buying more when you could.
(Pro-Tip: Nothing says freedom like a Jesse Ventura-sized chaw in the cheek when getting ready to kill aliens or commies.)
Porn
We want you to imagine the worst possible situation—an apocalyptic world with no porn. Just you in a bunker and your memory bank. Not a pleasant thought, we know. So right now,while the internet is still up and running, get an old iPod or iPad and download your version of The Porn Library of Congress. Pro tip – don’t just download what you are into now, but what you eventually may be into when really, really bored. If you also fill a backup hard drive, no one is judging.
This iPod should be kept in a locked metal Faraday cage (we prefer an old military 50 cal ammo can with a padlock). We call it a Faraday cage to sound like a true prepper, but honestly, it’s to keep it from the prying eyes of the wife. Just in case all technology fails, pick up some tried-and-true print products from your local truck stop today. They worked for your grandfather; they will work for you. Make the clerk uncomfortable and ask if he has the most recent copy of Jugs.
Guns and Ammo
Of course, firearms are a key Field Ethos stockpile. Admittedly we may own too many for practical use and may have even made ourselves a target for looters. As Jason Vincent once said to a prepper neighbor, “I only stock enough ammo to come and take yours.” It’s a worthwhile point. So stock enough to take care of you and yours and keep quiet about it. No one should know you have 10,000 rounds of 7.62 x 39 stashed in the crawlspace. While of course you want plenty of ammo for a primary long gun and pistol, don’t overlook 22LR hollow points. The little rimfire kills more game (and people) than bubonic plague, and 1,000 rounds can be tucked in a day pack.
And that’s it. You’re welcome.
