By Andrew Court
On New Year’s Eve the expectations are sky-high.
Everyone, from your grandmother to that hottie you just matched with on the apps, expects this to be THE best time of the year. To that end, tuxedos are pressed, champagne corks are popped, and most importantly, money is spent.
The problem is that nothing—short of a dozen Victoria Secret models parachuting in with that new rifle and watch you wanted—can live up to this. Your chick wants a night of stupendous Great Gatsby glamor and you’ve got solo cups and Coors Light to offer. Like the high jump, there’s no going under the bar, and even slightly hitting it is knocking it over.
Personally, NYE has tripped me up year after year. One time at midnight I was stuck in a cab going to the next better FOMO party. Another year I arrived at 11:45 and the caterers were just setting up because I didn’t realize that this was the after after party. Other times I’ve hunkered inside, celebrating by falling asleep with White Claw and a bowl of instant mac n’ cheese spilling down my lap.
And the only time I got invited to THE cool party, I had to work the next morning at 5 a.m.
As we have in the past, Field Ethos is here to help you avoid these gruesome fates. Follow these DOs and DON’T and your chances of success will go up exponentially.
DO say yes to the plan where you’re really wanted. Consider the absurdity of the Groucho Marx quote: “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” There is a certain authenticity in choosing to go where you are really wanted, not the cool party you want to insert yourself into, aka crash.
DON”T buy tickets for shit. Probably if you’re older, live in a small town, or just generally are an emotionally stable person this is obvious. If, however, you happen to be a douche bag in LA or Miami and care about who’s DJing, this is for you. It’s never as much fun as you expect, the event will be over crowded, the tickets will be super expensive, and the guy to girl ratio will probably be similar to Marine Corp recruit training.
DO plan ahead for travel logistics. Let me share with you a move I got from a Ponzi schemer. His financial advice was terrible, and he’s already escaped justice to Dubai, but he did have a certain panache. He would chat up Uber drivers and then hire them to drive him around in his own car on New Year’s. The last thing you want to do is be stuck in the freezing cold unable to get an Uber and an extortionate upcharge. Also, drunk driving is never a good idea.
DON’T cheap out on the booze. This is self explanatory, no one wants plastic-bottle vodka or Andre on New Year’s. Splurge on a nice bottle of champagne or better yet a single malt, a nice Japanese whisky, or bourbon.
DO spend time with your family. New Year’s Eve is a great opportunity to enjoy the company of your loved ones and realize what you’re really grateful for. There’s no rule that NYE has to be a friends’ bacchanal shit show.
DON’T start drinking until dinner. You gotta make it to midnight. Many kings have lost their crown passing out drunk after a long day on the bottle. You want to be conscious and relatively coherent to watch the ball drop.
DO pull the ripcord and get out of town. The cliche options are the Caribbean or skiing but just because you don’t have an Aspen of St. Barth’s budget doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. My personal favorite is a fishing trip down to the Florida Keys. If winter camping is your thing you’re definitely more of a man than me.
DON’T feel bad if you just wanna chill at home. If all else fails just order a pizza, polish off a six pack, and relax in your house. Life is hectic enough, New Year’s doesn’t have to be.