By John Vogel
The spirit of a nation lives in the hearts and minds of its people—but more so in the whiskey jugs and home armories of individuals.
Indeed, America is a nation built purely on a political philosophy that held to answer the following question: How much liberty is too much?
The American spirit finds its foundation in the idea that all men were created equal, that all men should live free under liberty, and the government should work for the benefit of the people, not vice versa. Pretty straight forward stuff.
Historically, our nation’s defining moments helped shape our national identity, but today some of our most important moments are being forgotten by a subpar education system that considers patriotism problematic. That’s unacceptable.
Dont F with Our Drink—Or Our Freedom
The defining moment of our American identity is the Whiskey Rebellion of 1791-1794. America was still fresh out of the Revolution and the nation was hitting puberty. Growing pains kicked in, and Americans began to figure out whether or not that whole war was worth it. War ain’t cheap, and while the ink was still wet on the Constitution, it didn’t take long to figure out this newly established country was in serious debt, a tradition we have kept alive to this day. The war cost somewhere in the range of $55,000,000, and after starting a country we racked up an additional $25,000,000. Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton was tasked with figuring out how to be a nation that would pay its debts, and as we have all learned, when the federal government is in doubt, they’ll tax it out.
The Department of the Treasury had obviously forgotten what they had just finished fighting for and decided to hit Americans where it hurt the most: the whiskey still. (It wasn’t like we had just got done overthrowing a massive empire due to a 3-percent tax hike on tea and mail.) Hamilton declared a “sin tax” to get the budget balanced, which focused on folks who made and sold whiskey. The elite ruling class figured the “sin tax” moniker would appeal to the people’s sense of sacrificing for “the greater good.” (Where have we heard that before?)
The irony was not lost on most Americans, who knew full well America was literally established in taverns and fueled by whiskey and beer. The Founding Fathers themselves pulled the cork pretty often, and were making whiskey on their own properties without a problem. Indeed, booze was the lifeblood of the young nation.
Regardless, under the Whiskey Tariff of 1791 a sliding rate of 7 to 18 cents per gallon (depending on proof) tax was applied to any producer of whiskey, big or small. For big distilleries this tax wasn’t much of an issue, and in a few cases, it was almost a blessing, as small distillers—the competition—were getting crushed.
It’s important to note, however, that most small distillers were not full-time whiskey producers. They grew barley, wheat, rye (more common) and other cereals needed to fuel a country. Then at the end of the season, they would set aside a small amount of their harvest to produce whiskey for themselves, maybe trading some and selling some. Under the tariff, even the common home distiller was considered taxable. And as always, the Feds wanted their cut.
Upon informing them of the new tax, these folks politely told the Feds to fuck themselves.
Over the next three years, the U.S. Federal Government established itself as the bigger brother and attempted—key word, attempted—to collect these taxes.
The people of Western Pennsylvania, which was still considered frontier at the time, didn’t take kindly to tax collectors showing up, so they continued the great tradition of tarring and feathering the tax collectors. During a hot, sunny September of 1791, Robert Johnson was dispatched to Western Pennsylvania to collect such taxes, and as a result, was cloaked by the locals in feathery fashion. Oh, how the times have changed.
Eventually word got back to Hamilton that his taxes weren’t so popular, and he began lobbying for military intervention. Washington’s own cabinet demanded military intervention, with only one calling for peace. Hamilton even published cries for the military to put down this insurrection (where have I heard this word before?) under the alias of “Tully” in papers across the country.
But Washington didn’t really enjoy the idea of sending troops to put down citizens, especially when many were veterans of the very war that gave birth to the new nation. With the threat of government forces coming to town to collect their tax money, the people of Western Pennsylvania grabbed their rifles and whiskey jugs and formed militias across the frontier. Rural groups all across the nation formed in defense against dumbass tariffs. Seeing the potential new war that was on the brink, Washington dispatched General John Neville, a Revolutionary War veteran, to quash the uprising. With the judicial branch declaring the militias to be in a state of rebellion, all gloves were off.
Upon Gen. Neville’s arrival, he was greeted by the warm embrace of rifle fire from the locals, and it was at that moment when things got Western. Neville opened up a tax office in Pittsburgh, but with threats from local militias, the landlord didn’t want the hassle of having his building burned down or pocked with musket holes, so Neville was swiftly booted out. Tax offices across the country began to be targeted by groups not willing to comply, and tax collectors ran in fear or quit. Liberty Poles were built in towns across the country as a sign of solidarity with the rebellion, something not seen since the last rebellion. It soon became a battle of the haves versus the have-nots, and the have-nots weren’t having it.
By 1794, Washington had to draft militias just to make up for shortages—something to the sound of 13,000-plus soldiers just to handle 600-ish militia members. Troops were sent westward and were tasked with finding and arresting rebels. Washington himself saddled up once again and rode out of Philadelphia to oversee operations. (Imagine in today’s world where the President of the United States dusted off his saber and saddle and rode to the front lines not for a photo op, but to fulfill his duty as Commander and Chief. Say what you will about the feds or taxes, but Washington was willing to put himself within rifle range. Respect.)
With the massive show of force and the ultimate crackdown by Federal forces, the rebellion was declared over in 1794. All it took was three years and a President willing to come to small rural towns and convince Americans not to kill each other. The taxes were then fought over politically, and eventually led to Thomas Jefferson, a dope growing, hooch-making SOB getting elected. He abolished the whiskey tariff upon entry into the White House, and everyone lived in relative peace for his administration.
America, Where Have You Gone?
Read the news today and you’ll see Karens and Betas talking about the scary insurrectionist next door, dangerous militias, and crazy alt-right extremists who like guns and liberty. They claim a hatred of your government is toxic, and should be squashed, but yet your patriotism for your nation is also bad.
Personally, I fly the American flag outside my house not in support of any government, but rather in support of the philosophy and ideals of this nation. This nation was founded by rebellious, whiskey drinking, gun-toting individualists who proudly flew the flag, but also spit in the face of politicians when they tried to overstep their bounds. That’s the America I love.
