By Will Dabbs, MD
Who comes to mind when you think of truly great American pioneers? Charles Lindbergh did some mighty fine aviating back in 1927 with that first trans-Atlantic solo flight. Amelia Earhart attempted something kind of similar in the Pacific and likely got eaten for her trouble. James Watson and Francis Crick first described the DNA double helix back in 1953. That seems like a pretty big deal. And then there was Timmie Jean Lindsey. Timmie Jean was the first woman in human history to undergo breast augmentation surgery using silicone implants.
Origin Story
Back in 1962, Timmie Jean was a 29-year-old divorced mother of six who wanted to get her ears bobbed back. Texas plastic surgeons Frank Gerow and Thomas Cronin convinced her to try something a bit bustier. They were, of course, both guys. They fixed her ears for free.
Dow Corning helped underwrite the research. That was likely not out of some exceptional sense of corporate altruism. Some 5 million women have undergone the procedure. Nowadays that averages about $9,000 a pop. I’m sure a fair number of those used Dow Corning raw material. Well into her 80s, Timmie Jean claimed that her fake boobs were still holding up nicely. However, she wasn’t technically the first.
Back in 1895, a 41-year-old singer developed a painful lump in her breast that necessitated surgical excision. Dr. Vincent Czerny performed the procedure. Considering the rudimentary state of anesthesia back then, that thing must have been pretty darn miserable. Regardless, the procedure left the unfortunate woman somewhat lopsided. Fortuitously, she had a lipoma on her lower back that was in need of a new home.
A lipoma is a benign fatty tumor that arises out of adipose tissue. They never turn into cancer, but they can be unsightly, painful, or both. When you remove them surgically they feel like the rind you sometimes encounter in Jell-O—kind of hard and rubbery. Where most folks might see heartache, however, Dr. Czerny sensed opportunity.
Czerny replaced the excised breast mass with the annoying lower back tumor and made medical history. A year later, the woman wasn’t quite symmetrical, but the relocated lipoma was nonetheless thriving. The singer lady was purportedly over the moon.
Sydney Sweeney Has Great Genes
When American Eagle launched that legendary ad campaign they kicked over a big, woke anthill. In case you have been living under a rock someplace, Sydney Sweeney is one of the most popular actresses in the world. At five feet, three inches she is a bit on the compact side. However, Syd is in possession of some exceptionally commendable attributes. When combined with her natural acting talent, these particular commendable attributes have helped propel her to super stardom. The internet claims that the campaign either made American Eagle jeans $300 million in a day or will ultimately be their undoing. It’s the internet. Who really knows?
Am I saying that Ms. Sweeney is successful solely because of her two exceptionally commendable attributes? Certainly not. However, she would most likely have had a tougher time without them.
That’s not an unreasonable deduction. I’m six feet tall. I weigh 170 pounds. My arms are just a wee bit long for my trunk, giving me a vaguely simian appearance when viewed shirtless—like some hairless, albino orangutan. I can only presume that is the reason I’ve never been invited to star in a big budget Hollywood movie about half-naked guys. Life’s not fair. Never has been.
Compulsions
We Americans take our bosoms pretty seriously. Having professionally consulted with a few female patients on the subject, enhancing confidence seems to be a recurring theme. I can honestly say I don’t much understand that. In medicine as in marriage, that’s kind of a smile-pleasantly-and-nod-sort of situation. Some folks, however, struggle with moderation when it comes to the human mammary gland.
Howard Robard Hughes, Jr., was an early pioneer in the field of insanely-rich crazy people. Howard Hughes was floridly nuts back when being floridly nuts wasn’t cool. In addition to a well-documented germ phobia, some simply legendary culinary eccentricities, and a penchant for stockpiling his own urine, Hughes developed a decidedly unhealthy fixation on Jane Russell’s knockers.
Jane Russell was a particularly well-endowed actress later known as the spokeswoman for the Playtex Cross-Your-Heart brassiere. Hughes served as producer and director for Russell’s 1943 breakout film, “The Outlaw.” His tendency to accentuate Russell’s own commendable attributes on the silver screen led to some unfortunate censorship issues.
A gifted engineer, Hughes personally designed a custom bra specifically to help get Ms. Russell’s attributes out in front of the American viewing audience. Movie stills were transformed into titillating billboards. A Maryland judge famously opined that Russell’s breasts “hung like a thunderstorm over a summer landscape.”
The movie was a big nothingburger. However, it still made about a zillion dollars. Howard Hughes was crazy as a road lizard, but he wasn’t stupid.
Ruminations
I’ve actually scrubbed in on a few augmentations myself. You go in from the bottom so the scar doesn’t show and orient the implant underneath the breast tissue but above the pectoralis muscle. Implants can be made from silicone, saline, or natural fat. Materials that have been tried but discarded include ox cartilage, ground rubber, and Terylene wool. Science marches on.
Ours is an unabashedly vapid society. Some surgically-enhanced TikTok influencer with a room-temperature IQ commands tens of millions of sheep-like followers, while proper literature like Field Ethos somehow putters along on a fraction of that. I like to think I am doing my part to help bridge that gap.
