Dog-Killing Monkeys

By Gayne C. Young

I was 13 when I found out just how savage baboons can be, courtesy of Peter Hathaway Capstick. I was both fascinated and disgusted at the sheer vileness of these creatures. 

In Death In A Lonely Land, Capstick details these primates’ barbarity in the chapter entitled The Killer Baboons of Vlackfonein. The (supposedly) true account sees Capstick take on a troop of yellow baboons that had killed a human infant by literally ripping the child from his mother’s arms in broad daylight. So Capstick partially enclosed the troop’s home that was in a ditch, filled it with a mixture of kerosene, gasoline, and motor oil, lit it on fire, then took out any baboons that ran for safety through the narrow gap in the flames with a Mac-10. Those that made it past the hail of full-auto 9mm fire were run through with a spear by Capstick’s cohorts in the baboon extermination.

This type of action needs to be taken in the village of Lavool in the Beed district of Maharashtra, India. There, more than 250 dogs have been killed by monkeys in October and November of 2021. The canine nightmare began when one of the villager’s dogs killed an infant monkey. Soon afterward the adult monkeys began killing dogs in the village with extreme prejudice. Some puppies were taken by the primates and left on roofs where they would die from lack of food or water or by exposure. Many were taken to high points in the village, like roofs, tall trees and cliff faces where they were dropped to their deaths. The monkey’s nefarious activity has even spread to attacking children as they walk to school. One eight-year-old was knocked down and dragged by the bastards before villagers managed to scare the hairy-pawed vermin off by throwing rocks.

The villagers believe the violence is revenge for the killing of the infant monkey. Authorities say it’s just a coincidence. An unnamed official from the district office told the Indian news agency ANI, “This [the killing of an infant monkey by dogs] is said to have enraged the monkeys who in retaliation are killing the puppies of dogs as per local residents. But we do not have any proof to back up this theory. It’s animal behaviour and we cannot ascertain why they are behaving like this.”

Regardless of the reason, authorities are trying to help. Forest Officer Sachin Kand told local media: “Two monkeys involved in the killing of dogs have been captured by a Nagpur Forest Department team in Beed.” The prisoner apes were supposedly let loose elsewhere.

These assholes don’t need to be trapped and relocated.

They need a case of Capstick-style justice!

Who’s with me?